Troll 2. Absolutely, the worst movie you will ever see. Nothing about this movie makes sense. Every scene will leave you confused, offended, angry, and helplessly awkward.
But trust me… you’ll sit down and watch all 135 minutes of it.
Before you start the movie, know this… There is not a Troll 1. The title was changed from “Goblin” to Troll 2 in an attempt to draw an audience from a previously established horror film entitled “Troll”, which was released four years earlier. Another thing, there are no trolls involved with this production… there are only goblins… vegetarian goblins.
The film starts off immediately. Bluntly dragging you into a random storyline of a “courageous boy” named Peter, who is being stalked by goblins in a forest. He soon realizes he is being watched, and “to make a long story short, Peter started to run, and run.” Then comes the beginning of a glorious soundtrack, rumored to have been recorded solely through the use of a vintage 80’s Casio keyboard. At that very moment, you begin to smile. You think, holy shit this is terrible… but I want more.
Oh… you will get more.
The opening narrator, creepy Grandpa Seth, informs you that the goblins frequently take the form of other humans. They trick people into eating delicious bowls of green goo (strangely resembling green gak… that sticky fad from the mid 90’s). Upon consumption, this substance would turn a human into half-man half-plant… the goblins’ favorite food, of course. The transformation is gruesomely overdone, with green goo pouring out of orifices (mainly from the forehead?), sticks growing from hands and tearing through skin.
As the film continues… you experience a whirlwind of nonsensical ‘plot-lines’ as a typical American family swaps their home with a goblin family from the town Nilbog… yes Nilbog. “NILBOG IS GOBLIN SPELLED BACKWARDS!”
There’s really only so much one can say… So please, enjoy the show.
